I don’t remember much from my childhood, but I do remember
my maternal grandmother. Sadly, she was the first loved one of mine to pass
away, and most of my memories are of her being sick. As the youngest in my family, many of my
memories are supplemented with tales from my other family members, and I’ve
been able to piece together a sense of how amazing I was even at a young age.
My middle sister gave me a fabulous memory of our maternal
grandmother within a year of our grandmother’s death. If my memory serves me -
which by now you should know that it doesn’t – I think this happened in the
last week of my grandmother’s life. Every grandchild got one last one-on-one
visit with my grandmother, and we respected that alone time patiently watching
cartoons in the lobby of her hospital wing.
In my sister’s visit, my grandmother passed on the wisest words my
ten-year-old ears had ever heard:
“It’s OK to go down crying as long as you get up fighting.”
That was twenty years ago, and I have heard a lot of great
sayings since then. Alas, this one usually gives me the most motivation to keep
on trying.
I’m a self-proclaimed activist, but I’ve never been in a
protest. I have rode in a Critical Mass, though, and it was the most exhilarating
bike ride of my life. I think of it fondly every time I cross the High Level
Bridge, remembering how we covered that busy, narrow bridge with bicycles
during rush hour on a Friday afternoon. It was a beautiful display of a
peaceful demonstration. That’s the type of activism I like to promote.
I’ve been a vegan for six and a half years. Before then, I was
an animal rights activist living under a huge cloud of guilt. At fifteen, I
read about the seal hunt in the Arctic and was appalled at the slaughter of
seal pups for an ingredient used in a cosmetic product (lip balm). While
everybody else seemed to brush it off as a “way of life” and an industry we
needed to support, I could only feel the sadness of the seal pup’s eyes looking
out at me from the pages as I thought about my “way of life” and the animal
lives I consumed because of something that we had always done. As a very good girl, I never wanted to
question my parents, and so I kept my first attempt to be a vegetarian a
secret. Within three days, my father noticed and started to ask questions about
what I wasn’t eating. My emotional eating kicked in…and I gave it all up for a
microwaved hot dog. I used to feel bad about having such a frail backbone, but
I’ve since strengthened it.
At 17, I moved out to go to university (fall babies get all
the glamour of appearing more mature). By Thanksgiving, I had become an “anti-factory-farm”
vegetarian. Basically, I was a vegetarian unless I was at home, where I still
wanted to be the very good girl and
supported the livelihood of my family. I feel bad about eating those
over-salted chicken breasts from M&M Meat Shops, though… By my second
Christmas visiting back home, my body had adapted and I puked up all the turkey
I had eaten when I was supposed to be going to Christmas Mass. (Never mind the
pound or two of chocolate I had consumed before dinner, I still cling to it being
the turkey that made me that sick.) From then on, I was a full-blown vegetarian…and
my family slowly adjusted to the idea.
I did a GAP year in England after university and realised
that their traditional GAP year happened before uni. Oops! I still learned a
lot about different cultures, children, and living abroad. I loved it, but I
came home broke. So, I moved to the only province hiring anybody during the
global recession, and lived with my two older sisters for a few years. During
that time, I finally took the plunge and became a vegan. My family resisted
this change much more than my baby stepping into it would otherwise have you
believe. As my middle sister told me at the time, “I could tolerate the
vegetarianism, and it even made me eat less meat. Veganism, though, makes me
want to eat all of the meat that you aren’t.” Oh, sisters…always trying to make
us into better versions of ourselves…in some twisted way…
A few years later, a friendship blossomed into a romance and
I am now going to be marrying a feminist ally. He’s pretty confident in
himself, thoughtful about the causes that I care about, and a lovely cynic of
the world. I don’t always agree with him, and that makes our relationship work
best. We have a profound respect for one another and the marvelous people we
choose to keep as friends. He’s taught me a lot about how to love myself, and I’ve
helped him with my own superpowers, too. You’ll read about him as “my love”
because he’s less of an exhibitionist than myself.
I love my family, but I know I’m the black sheep. I love
where I come from – the Prairies – but the politics here make me face palm more
often than Jean Luc Picard. Needless to say, my frustration with being here has
led to many tearful collapses into my pillows. But, I keep getting back up…because
of what my maternal grandmother told my middle sister on my grandmother’s
deathbed.
Fun little fact: I do remember that I was the last of the older grandchildren to get my turn to see Grandma that week. Sadly, by my turn she was so worn out that we put it off until the next day. She died that night. It’s OK. I never liked seeing my grandmother in that hospital bed, with all the tubes hooked up to her. I prefer to remember her as the vigilant caregiver that took me to my first Asian restaurant. When I had a tickle in my throat, she moved us to the non-smoking section of the restaurant “on account of my asthma.” According to my mother’s memory of this story, my grandmother was too sick to drive us to the restaurant in the first place. That makes me love her even more, because she wanted to treat me to a special one-on-one dinner with her, one last time.
This blog is my account of getting back up fighting. I may
not be the most vocal activist, nor seem like a very active one, but I am a
very passionate one. I believe in
standing up for what I believe in…even if my opinion changes when I have more
information. In fact, ESPECIALLY when my opinion changes with more information.
So please, read my passion, contribute your own thoughts, and let’s be
activists together. I have no tolerance for ignorance, though, so consider
yourself warned, trolls and the like.
